Before we go any further, I should make two things clear:
- You did read the title right.
- This is another post about poop.
So, if you’re thinking you need to schedule an appointment with your eye doctor, don’t worry. Your eyes are not playing tricks on you. And if the subject of poop bothers you, then please read no further.
A few months ago, I wrote about “the power of a good poop.” Last week, this phrase took on new meaning.
There I was going about my normal daily business. My youngest was down for a nap, and I was finishing up some work. She woke up a little earlier than expected, but as she was happily chatting away to herself, I was happy to leave her in the crib for a few more minutes. I finished up the essay I had been reading and proceeded down the hall.
That’s when I discovered why she had woken up early. She had done a little business of her own.
The stench hit me first. No one could remain peacefully asleep with such a smell hanging in the air. And like the princess in the fairy tale, my sweet child becomes fitful at the appearance of any pea-sized disturbance.
This was no pea, though. It was more like a watermelon had exploded. (If you can compare excrement to fruit.) And, in my absence, my little princess had torn at the mattresses to relieve her anguish. When I found her, she was standing in the crib no longer wearing her pants or her diaper. And the offending poo was everywhere. On the sheet. On the floor. And on her hands.
In situations like this, I have found that there is a certain protocol to follow. Only you won’t find it in any manual. Instinct somehow programs it in. It goes like this:
- Clean the kid off. (In this case, the princess got her first hose-down.)
- Sanitize floors and other soiled surfaces. (I may never use that sheet again.)
- Wash yourself off. (Somehow I still smelled like poo hours afterward.)
In the fairy tale, the princess ends up with the prince because she is delicate enough to recognize the pea hidden under a stack of mattresses. My little princess has earned her mother the right to blackmail her at some point in the future.
Just wait until her prince turns up on our doorstep…